My nature?

There are moments in grad school when I don't know how to react. Alright, I don't know how to react most of the time I'm at school. I don't know if its a religious thing or a cultural thing or a personality thing. Perhaps its a combination of all of that, or perhaps those three things represent the same thing.

Sometimes I feel that I am interpersonally inept. I don't really know how to act when I'm not alone. I don't know what to say, how to act, what to think, etc. I always feel that my hands are tied.

I guess its different looking in and looking out. My classmates tell me that I am outstanding, when I don't feel that I have any abilities whatsoever. I don't know if they really think that or if they're just saying it for the sake of socializing. (I don't think I have the courage to trust people until I feel that they've proven themselves to be trustworthy, e.g. Church.) The truth is that I don't have the answer for a lot of my questions, and I never will have the answers to them. I know I am insecure: I doubt myself, way too much I guess. But brothers and sisters from my fellowship give me love that I don't think I deserve. They look at me and see qualities, which I don't think myself having. I feel that I'm submerged into this period of insecurity. I thought I was supposed to be over that after puberty.

God help me. I realize that when i have thoughts like this, I'm being self-centered. Why do I have to explain everything from this self-centered vantage point? Why do I think people have evil natures? Is it because I've been burned one too many times? But, that is ironic: I've been burned by people from fellowship, yet I trust them and doubt my friends (not from fellowship) yet they have not done anything to hurt me. What am I protecting myself from? My coward nature is preventing me from loving others as God loves me.

Lord, help me.
Lord, change me.
Lord, have Your way in me.