A new stage

玉芬姐說what I'm going through is a new stage in my 靈程.
I understand it and I accept it, but I don't know how I'm going to hang on.
It's going to be tough.
I try to erect barriers to keep people out of my private world.
My barriers are big and thick.
Yet, 玉芬姐says that to become a shepherd, which is what serving God requires, I have to open myself up. I have to open my life. I have to use my life to influence others. Other people are going to want to become close to me. But that is my problem. I don't want to be close to anyone. I can't become close with anyone. I guess that's the lifestyle I've carved out for myself.
This is going to be a long process for me. Very, very long.