It is not easy to forgive.
Sometimes you try, but you just can't forget.
Sometimes you try, but you care too much.
Sometimes you think it's that person's fault,
but sometimes the truth is, you're blaming yourself.
That's the toughest forgiveness.
How do I forgive myself?
Monday, December 11, 2006
Sunday, July 30, 2006
今天主日的領受
我真的很容易回到老我，今天主日時被神提醒，我又開始將那屬世的擺在第一優先了。這樣錯了！神提醒我不可驕傲！祂也安慰我說一切都是祂造的，在祂裡面沒有懼怕。這是界是祂造的，我既然是祂的女兒，我為什麼怕這世界呢？我生命中的每一刻都需要聖靈的引領、提示。我更需要祂的智慧、啟示。盼望我在企研所做的每一件事都是出於祂的，都是和祂心意的，都是見證祂的。希望我不要浪費祂給我的生命，祂既帶我到企研，必有祂的旨意。主啊，不要讓我遠離祢！
Friday, July 21, 2006
Congrats!!!
Hallelujah!
Praise the Lord, the source of life!
Congrats to J&A for a lovely baby daughter!
May God guide her in this wonderful journey of life!
Praise the Lord, the source of life!
Congrats to J&A for a lovely baby daughter!
May God guide her in this wonderful journey of life!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
B U T
I've endeavored to accept his viewpoint; I've endeavored to forgive his blunt remarks of wanting to spread rumors about me; I've endeavored to accept him for who he is and to help him out in his areas of need; I've endeavored to empathize and to forgive.
BUT, his 「kai1huijjiujshijyaojzhejyangjkai1」
and his「nifyoujmeidqujguojnifzenfmeszhidaoj」
really pisses me off. Such utter disrespect makes me question whether I should consider him as friend and brother. His lack of empathy puts all his past speech about communication and empathy of others in doubt. My trust and my willingness to be his friend is near extinction.
BUT, his 「kai1huijjiujshijyaojzhejyangjkai1」
and his「nifyoujmeidqujguojnifzenfmeszhidaoj」
really pisses me off. Such utter disrespect makes me question whether I should consider him as friend and brother. His lack of empathy puts all his past speech about communication and empathy of others in doubt. My trust and my willingness to be his friend is near extinction.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
I've wronged others
So that's what I've been doing. (Ever since last night's meeting)
I've been judging others and subjecting them to my high standards.
These standards don't even come from God, they're simply reflections of my perfectionistic ideals.
I've been so wrong in doing this.
I'm not qualified to judge others.
I cannot impose my standards onto others.
This is one humongous lesson to learn; I have a long way ahead of me.
Help me Lord!
I've been judging others and subjecting them to my high standards.
These standards don't even come from God, they're simply reflections of my perfectionistic ideals.
I've been so wrong in doing this.
I'm not qualified to judge others.
I cannot impose my standards onto others.
This is one humongous lesson to learn; I have a long way ahead of me.
Help me Lord!
Sigh
This specific change is something that I don't see in proximity. It is so far away that I doubt it's even possible.
I admit that I weigh outcomes millions times more than I weigh processes.
To focus a little more on the process and a little less on the outcome is like asking me to move a mountain with my bare hands.
I agree that I do see the need to focus more on the ambience and the relationships amid a meeting, yet it is against my logic to combine such with the pursuit of outcomes. It is necessary, I agree.
Am I willing to put some effort into making it possible? Yes though with reluctance, for I am not completely sold on this.
Today was horrible. Our relationships did take a gigantic stride backwards; I feel responsible and guilty. Lord, where's the way out of this forest?
I admit that I weigh outcomes millions times more than I weigh processes.
To focus a little more on the process and a little less on the outcome is like asking me to move a mountain with my bare hands.
I agree that I do see the need to focus more on the ambience and the relationships amid a meeting, yet it is against my logic to combine such with the pursuit of outcomes. It is necessary, I agree.
Am I willing to put some effort into making it possible? Yes though with reluctance, for I am not completely sold on this.
Today was horrible. Our relationships did take a gigantic stride backwards; I feel responsible and guilty. Lord, where's the way out of this forest?
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Repentance
What others say do affect me. I should not let others' opinions maneuver my perspectives. God should be the only driving force behind that. Lord, renew me everyday. Inspect me so that anything that does not please You is excluded from within me. Cleanse me thoroughly. Any thoughts that do not help myself or others, purify them. Lord, if I am on the way of becoming something You do not like, step on my brakes. Stop me! May I utter words of repentance! Don't let me wander away from You. Don't let my thoughts be the source of others' downfalls. Lord, change me. Have Your way in me.
分享
在跟弟兄姊妹分享交通的過程我得到許多的安慰
雖然有時我還是會質疑神是不是讓我一下知道太多東西
但是在分享中我發現我並不孤單
神給了我一群同伴/家人
神更是讓我發現我們都是罪人，都是有限的人
雖然我們都有同一個主，但是過去的經驗真的會影響一個人後來的行為及思考
當我知道這段過去時，我發現饒恕與體諒更容易了
求神保守我對人有愛心、對神有信心
雖然有時我還是會質疑神是不是讓我一下知道太多東西
但是在分享中我發現我並不孤單
神給了我一群同伴/家人
神更是讓我發現我們都是罪人，都是有限的人
雖然我們都有同一個主，但是過去的經驗真的會影響一個人後來的行為及思考
當我知道這段過去時，我發現饒恕與體諒更容易了
求神保守我對人有愛心、對神有信心
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
為愛和合一禱告（歌詞）
主啊求你憐憫醫治這地
所有紛爭仇恨遠離這地方
求主的愛醫治一切的傷口
你是醫治者 你是真愛的源頭
主啊求你赦免我們一切軟弱
賜我們一顆謙卑愛人的心
求主的愛 撫平一切的傷痕
我們仰望你 你是和平的君王
遵行主教導我們彼此相愛
只有愛能使我們合而為一
心連心 手牽手 我們同心禱告
願真愛充滿每一個角落
所有紛爭仇恨遠離這地方
求主的愛醫治一切的傷口
你是醫治者 你是真愛的源頭
主啊求你赦免我們一切軟弱
賜我們一顆謙卑愛人的心
求主的愛 撫平一切的傷痕
我們仰望你 你是和平的君王
遵行主教導我們彼此相愛
只有愛能使我們合而為一
心連心 手牽手 我們同心禱告
願真愛充滿每一個角落
I finally understand; I want one too!
Earnestly asking God for a 屬靈同伴！
I finally understand why it's necessary.
After all these years, I finally ask for one.
Thank You for letting me understand.
Lord, please answer me.
I finally understand why it's necessary.
After all these years, I finally ask for one.
Thank You for letting me understand.
Lord, please answer me.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Life
When juggling with life's episodes
There's no escape from the toils and the tills
His grace will suffice!
From under the earth no regrets will come
When that specific day comes
Keeping the faith
The biggest homework I have ahead of me is to learn to keep the faith during terrible times.
I have to learn to focus on God while living in the hectic MBA environment.
I have to develop patience and know that His schedule is different from mine.
I have to keep myself away from the throne of my life. He reigns supreme. Gotta remember that! Gotta remember all this!
I have to learn to focus on God while living in the hectic MBA environment.
I have to develop patience and know that His schedule is different from mine.
I have to keep myself away from the throne of my life. He reigns supreme. Gotta remember that! Gotta remember all this!
No way
Lord are you letting me see too much too soon?
Am I ready to see all this?
You have to be kidding me!
I can't possibly be ready! Uh-uh.
Am I ready to see all this?
You have to be kidding me!
I can't possibly be ready! Uh-uh.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Lord, listen to my cries!
Lord, now is the time when I feel like surrendering. I don't know how I'll get through this. Yes, I guess I finally understand what it means to be lonely in this battle. Only after sharing my concerns with others did it really hit me that no one understands. No one sees eye to eye with me. The burden is so heavy and the journey is so lonely. Jesus you're there, but my faith is dying out. It really is. Can I say that I'm near my defeat? I don't know where I'm going to get the strength to persevere. The flame inside my heart is burning out. I see myself gearing up for a sprint away from God. Lord, how do I stop this? How do I find faith amid this pain? God, take this burden away from me. Give me peace when serving you. Teach me how to praise you during hard times. Have mercy!!! Listen to my cries of help. Respond Lord. Talk to me!
Drained
I feel tired.
Tired in spirit.
Not in body.
No, in body as well.
So tired.
So tired.
So tired.
So, so tired.
Tired in spirit.
Not in body.
No, in body as well.
So tired.
So tired.
So tired.
So, so tired.
Burden of the soul
The missions trip is coming up. Somehow, it's something I'm not yearning for. Something deep within me is dreading a number of elements of this trip. I know that this emotion is not coming from God, but I cannot say that I am free from its shackles either.
Changes are things that I have difficulty accepting and this year's trip is full of changes.
Difference in work styles is also a challenge I must overcome.
It's gonna be an extremely bumpy ride, and I'm not sure if I'll see the end of it. I can't imagine that if I'm falling prisoner to these "changes", what will come of me in grad. school. I'm not anticipating either of these. I'm not enthusiastic about it, at all. God help me. God give me strength and courage and wisdom and faith and humility and so much, so much, so much more.
Changes are things that I have difficulty accepting and this year's trip is full of changes.
Difference in work styles is also a challenge I must overcome.
It's gonna be an extremely bumpy ride, and I'm not sure if I'll see the end of it. I can't imagine that if I'm falling prisoner to these "changes", what will come of me in grad. school. I'm not anticipating either of these. I'm not enthusiastic about it, at all. God help me. God give me strength and courage and wisdom and faith and humility and so much, so much, so much more.
Cambios
Hay ciertas cosas que no deseo cambiar.
Algunas veces le pido a Dios que no me cambie esas cosas.
Algunas veces le pido a Dios que no me cambie esas cosas.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
領畢業證書的感觸
我們昨天剛從真愛品德營回來，我發現我跟神之間有一種獨一無二的關係。感謝主！我發現我好愛祂！
今天我去辦了離校程序。回來時想起大學五年，從不認識神到現在，神的恩典好多好多，但我卻一直沒發現。有時我會覺得像我這種人神怎麼會愛，但是回想我生命的改變，我發現祂是最在乎我的。在這五年裡，我發現我不會哭、不會笑。我發現我不知道什麼是愛。但是神用最有力的方法把我敲醒。雖然我曾怨恨祂、曾懷疑祂、曾挑戰祂、曾放棄祂，祂卻陪我走過生命的低潮。我一直都不知道，直到今天我真的相信我不想放棄神了。
祂調整了我的眼光，以前只在乎成就的我拿到畢業證書應該很高興，但是今天當我拿到畢業證書時，我問自己，我是不是在浪費神給我的時間。我覺得畢業證書只是一張紙，我要追求的不是一張紙，而是神賜下的豐盛生命。我不要忘記神的愛和神的應許！我不要追求那屬世的、那無意義的，我要追求神！
今天我去辦了離校程序。回來時想起大學五年，從不認識神到現在，神的恩典好多好多，但我卻一直沒發現。有時我會覺得像我這種人神怎麼會愛，但是回想我生命的改變，我發現祂是最在乎我的。在這五年裡，我發現我不會哭、不會笑。我發現我不知道什麼是愛。但是神用最有力的方法把我敲醒。雖然我曾怨恨祂、曾懷疑祂、曾挑戰祂、曾放棄祂，祂卻陪我走過生命的低潮。我一直都不知道，直到今天我真的相信我不想放棄神了。
祂調整了我的眼光，以前只在乎成就的我拿到畢業證書應該很高興，但是今天當我拿到畢業證書時，我問自己，我是不是在浪費神給我的時間。我覺得畢業證書只是一張紙，我要追求的不是一張紙，而是神賜下的豐盛生命。我不要忘記神的愛和神的應許！我不要追求那屬世的、那無意義的，我要追求神！
Friday, June 16, 2006
Center
I have to remember to keep God at the center of my life.
Outside of Him, life is chaos, life is meaningless.
Outside of Him, life is chaos, life is meaningless.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
「真愛奇蹟」的歌詞 （很美～）
倆人的背影 比一人甜蜜
一輩子到老 總有你相攜
天涼了加衣 心煩或失意
這酸甜苦辣 唯有你知悉
在人生路上 我曾尋尋覓覓
那茫茫人海 誰是知己
我相信真愛 真愛見證奇蹟
我體會上帝 上帝就是應許
我相信真愛 真愛見證奇蹟
我體會上帝 上帝就是應許
一輩子到老 總有你相攜
天涼了加衣 心煩或失意
這酸甜苦辣 唯有你知悉
在人生路上 我曾尋尋覓覓
那茫茫人海 誰是知己
我相信真愛 真愛見證奇蹟
我體會上帝 上帝就是應許
我相信真愛 真愛見證奇蹟
我體會上帝 上帝就是應許
Changes
Lord, thank You for making miracles in me.
In retrospect, I started out as one fearful soul, always on guard against the world.
Today, I am willing to try and love the world.
Lord, keep on making changes in me.
I want to become a person after Your own heart.
In retrospect, I started out as one fearful soul, always on guard against the world.
Today, I am willing to try and love the world.
Lord, keep on making changes in me.
I want to become a person after Your own heart.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Disoriented
Everything is such a mess at this stage (according to my standards).
I feel very disoriented. Argh!
My knees are throbbing. Boy! That pain is very distracting! I can't concentrate on studying for my Philosophy final. Ah!!!! Huh, God help me!
I feel very disoriented. Argh!
My knees are throbbing. Boy! That pain is very distracting! I can't concentrate on studying for my Philosophy final. Ah!!!! Huh, God help me!
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Warfare in all forms
War from within and war from without.
Satan's attacks all my weak spots: it first demolishes the happiness from within, bringing about a shadow of dark clouds.
After that, it moves on to inflicting bodily injuries.
I felt depressed and now my knees are swollen from a slippery fall.
But still, regardless of all that warfare, God is victorious.
He has won! He is my stronghold, my rock! I have nothing to fear!
Satan's attacks all my weak spots: it first demolishes the happiness from within, bringing about a shadow of dark clouds.
After that, it moves on to inflicting bodily injuries.
I felt depressed and now my knees are swollen from a slippery fall.
But still, regardless of all that warfare, God is victorious.
He has won! He is my stronghold, my rock! I have nothing to fear!
Monday, June 12, 2006
爭戰中的喜樂
因我們並不是與屬血氣的爭戰，乃是與那些執政的、掌權的、管轄這幽暗世界的，以及天空屬靈氣的惡魔爭戰。
以弗所書6：12
我要完全依靠祢，因祢已得勝。
我要抓住祢賜下的應許：「祢要平平安安的去！」
我要平平安安的去！
Hallelujah！
Protect me
Lord, I will learn to praise you during hard times.
Protect me Lord, protect me!
Don't turn away.
I'm scared. Protect me!
Protect me!
Don't let me run away because of fear.
You are victorious.
I will proclaim Your name.
But, Lord, I am still weak; I am still scared.
Protect me!
Protect me Lord, protect me!
Don't turn away.
I'm scared. Protect me!
Protect me!
Don't let me run away because of fear.
You are victorious.
I will proclaim Your name.
But, Lord, I am still weak; I am still scared.
Protect me!
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Self Reminder
Peace is a blessing from Him.
At times, challenges and hardships sneak up on us like a predator on its prey. Yet, in God, we are blessed in that he has prepared everything for us. When we feel that life is taking a downturn, faith has to take over.
We have nothing to worry about in life because He knows it all. He gives us all we need, even before we know we need it. Just rely on Him. His gifts are abundant. His peace is out of this world. Hallelujah!
Well, we do have to worry about one thing. That's how do we manage our lives so that it says, "I love you god," loud and clear.
At times, challenges and hardships sneak up on us like a predator on its prey. Yet, in God, we are blessed in that he has prepared everything for us. When we feel that life is taking a downturn, faith has to take over.
Faith finds a way when there seems to be no way.
We have nothing to worry about in life because He knows it all. He gives us all we need, even before we know we need it. Just rely on Him. His gifts are abundant. His peace is out of this world. Hallelujah!
Well, we do have to worry about one thing. That's how do we manage our lives so that it says, "I love you god," loud and clear.
Our life is a gift from God; what we do with that life is our gift to God.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
He provides!
Yes, I know that He is Jehovah Jireh.
Yes, I know that I have nothing to fear in Him.
Yes, I know that His will is good.
Yes, I know that He calls me to Him in His own way.
Yes, I know that He forgives all my trespasses.
Yes, I know that He has an amazing plan in store for me.
Yes, I know a lot of things.
But, I am weak at heart.
I still tremble and fall apart.
Fear sprouts deep within my heart at the notion of serving Him.
Although I know life's ultimate goal is Him, knowing does not guarantee doing.
The simplest thought of giving myself to Him, surrendering my soul to Him, is both humbling and scary.
In that lies the meaning of life. In it lies His blessings.
Yet in me lie the pits of self-doubt and other weaknesses.
My prayer:
God give me strength.
My future is in Your hands.
You know me inside out.
Lead me in Your path.
Guide me with Your light.
Shine Your light on me.
Have pity on me.
Take me in Your embrace.
Carry me through hardships.
Mold me into the person after Your own heart.
Demolish my self-centeredness.
Show me how to surrender myself.
Teach me how to do everything for You.
Mentor me.
Instruct me on Your love and show me how to love You.
Give me the chances I need.
Have mercy, yet don't spare the rod.
Yes! I devote this life to You.
I may regret as a result of momentary weakness.
But, You reign supreme.
Call out to me in Your loving voice.
Let Your constant reassurances take me into the depths of the world.
Wherever You lead me, I will go.
Give me strength.
Let me remember that you are my God, my center.
This life is Yours, not mine.
You are my God, my Lord, my fort.
Outside of You, I have nothing.
I do not yearn this life, but the life in You.
This world is dead to me.
Oh Lord, let me always remember that You are number one.
You are the one and only reason I am alive.
This life is Yours.
This future is Yours.
Take me where You please.
Just remember that I am weak.
I need You.
Never cease speaking to me.
Let me be close to You.
There is no distance between You and me.
Let me respond with a loud "I love You Lord."
Yes, I know that I have nothing to fear in Him.
Yes, I know that His will is good.
Yes, I know that He calls me to Him in His own way.
Yes, I know that He forgives all my trespasses.
Yes, I know that He has an amazing plan in store for me.
Yes, I know a lot of things.
But, I am weak at heart.
I still tremble and fall apart.
Fear sprouts deep within my heart at the notion of serving Him.
Although I know life's ultimate goal is Him, knowing does not guarantee doing.
The simplest thought of giving myself to Him, surrendering my soul to Him, is both humbling and scary.
In that lies the meaning of life. In it lies His blessings.
Yet in me lie the pits of self-doubt and other weaknesses.
My prayer:
God give me strength.
My future is in Your hands.
You know me inside out.
Lead me in Your path.
Guide me with Your light.
Shine Your light on me.
Have pity on me.
Take me in Your embrace.
Carry me through hardships.
Mold me into the person after Your own heart.
Demolish my self-centeredness.
Show me how to surrender myself.
Teach me how to do everything for You.
Mentor me.
Instruct me on Your love and show me how to love You.
Give me the chances I need.
Have mercy, yet don't spare the rod.
Yes! I devote this life to You.
I may regret as a result of momentary weakness.
But, You reign supreme.
Call out to me in Your loving voice.
Let Your constant reassurances take me into the depths of the world.
Wherever You lead me, I will go.
Give me strength.
Let me remember that you are my God, my center.
This life is Yours, not mine.
You are my God, my Lord, my fort.
Outside of You, I have nothing.
I do not yearn this life, but the life in You.
This world is dead to me.
Oh Lord, let me always remember that You are number one.
You are the one and only reason I am alive.
This life is Yours.
This future is Yours.
Take me where You please.
Just remember that I am weak.
I need You.
Never cease speaking to me.
Let me be close to You.
There is no distance between You and me.
Let me respond with a loud "I love You Lord."
Friday, June 09, 2006
恩典
真的是從天上掉下來的恩典～
今天領到優良僑生獎學金。
（沒想到延畢生也可以獲獎）
最不可思議的是去年我也領過，
所以連兩年都當優良畢業僑生。
哈，好好玩！當兩次的優畢僑生，還領兩次獎～
大恩典喔～
在我需要錢 to cover 契服時，祂就為我預備了2,000元耶！！！
He provides！
Hallelujah～～～
來奉獻 ^^
今天領到優良僑生獎學金。
（沒想到延畢生也可以獲獎）
最不可思議的是去年我也領過，
所以連兩年都當優良畢業僑生。
哈，好好玩！當兩次的優畢僑生，還領兩次獎～
大恩典喔～
在我需要錢 to cover 契服時，祂就為我預備了2,000元耶！！！
He provides！
Hallelujah～～～
來奉獻 ^^
Thursday, June 08, 2006
沮喪
無論對象是他人還是自己
饒恕不簡單
不經大腦說出來的話或做出來的動作
殺傷力太大了
我常常這樣
而最大的受害者就是自己和家人
真的是很對不起他們
經過這麼多年了
想想我也應該要成熟點了
但是反而變本加厲
太自我中心
自己的言語行為都加害於他人
如今終於發現了
但是傷害也已經造成了
饒恕也太晚了
就算可以饒恕
也太難了
饒恕不簡單
不經大腦說出來的話或做出來的動作
殺傷力太大了
我常常這樣
而最大的受害者就是自己和家人
真的是很對不起他們
經過這麼多年了
想想我也應該要成熟點了
但是反而變本加厲
太自我中心
自己的言語行為都加害於他人
如今終於發現了
但是傷害也已經造成了
饒恕也太晚了
就算可以饒恕
也太難了
Stupid me
How do I will myself out of a depressing state?
I care too much about them.
That's why when i hurt them, I can't get over it.
I can't believe how stupid I was to hurt them so deeply.
it will forever leave a scar in their hearts.
I can't forgive myself for doing that.
now, I'm so stressed out about that, I feel depressed.
I'm an idiot. I deserve all the pain, but damn! It is not easy.
I care too much about them.
That's why when i hurt them, I can't get over it.
I can't believe how stupid I was to hurt them so deeply.
it will forever leave a scar in their hearts.
I can't forgive myself for doing that.
now, I'm so stressed out about that, I feel depressed.
I'm an idiot. I deserve all the pain, but damn! It is not easy.
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